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I don’t know when I stopped taking my own advice or feeling like I needed to be anywhere else but here. Now.
Here, the permanent present tense, has always been my lane. I’ve always loved that I could dance to my own drum, content and present; able to participate in and enjoy the magic unfolding in ordinary life (see: #QuestForBeauty). I’ve always believed in fully inhabiting a season without regret.
Continue reading “Present tense”
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Friendship love letters are my personal archive, evidence that platonic love is just love; underrated and valuable. I deeply encourage writing letters to your friends, telling the people that you love that they’re dear to you, not just when boys are mean to you. soapbox done.
Continue reading “Friendship Love Letter: Spiked Stiletto”
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Allow me to reintroduce myself:
I’ve been away for a while (an obscene while) but I also never left ya’ll. Hi Im Ntoetse, I trade in personal essays and silly whimsy, this is my creative outlet and because I’m 31 now and here’s 31 things to know about me (by way of reintroduction).
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Help!
I’m writing to all the different versions of myself for wisdom and guidance. I am not myself at the moment and feel terrified and lost so I’m returning to the source. The Alliance of Delightful Humans Doing life with me.
Continue reading “To all the women who came before,”
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I am located right in the centre of my joy and I believe in perfect days. I believe that negative and positive experiences can be beautiful. My threshold for perfection may be low but “with all it’s sham drudgery and broken dreams, it’s still a beautiful life. Be cheerful, strive to be happy”.
Continue reading “Gentle Magic II”
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I was going through my gallery and realised I’ve lived through some perfect days in recent memory. I think people are reluctant to declare days perfect. Perhaps my threshold is too low, all I know is: if you can’t identify them in everyday life, you’ll wait for a day that won’t come. These are vignettes of joy, sorrow, the bittersweet and contentment featuring friends lovers and in-betweens. (disclaimer: I own everything that happens to me)
Continue reading “Gentle Magic”
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I am 30 now and I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night, startled awake by my own giggles. I greet my ancestors every morning now and every so often I sit in the peaceful warm embrace of my great great grandmother’s love. I’m trying to document how I got here and as usual, I’m bringing you along with me, with all the chaos of a stream of consciousness…
Continue reading “Surrender”
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I’m learning to listen to all the dreams I whisper and “joke” about so that I don’t have to to reckon with the extent of my longing. The whispers are like seeds: tend to them for they’re trying to tell you the things that you’re not ready (or willing) to know about yourself yet.
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Alternate title: “I have other talents” a meditation on fear and failure.
I’m a dreamer, a scientist and an artist. An optimist and a realist. I believe in the life-affirming power of contradictions and fear.
Three cheers for platonic intimacy!
I used to play at romantic relationships, it often felt like I was following a script, playing a part. It was perilous; at any given moment I was going to be found out. I told my friends that I found it all quite technical and it ranged from clunky: “should I kiss him now?” “What are the rules, what are things girlfriends should do?” to embarrassing: “I think I’m supposed to feel something now [insert feeling here]”.
Continue reading “A Friendship Love Letter:”
Alternative title: Never beating the allegations
This is a friendship love letter unlike any other: Its bittersweet, apologetic and kind; reflective. It’s also a 2024 retrospective, a photo dump (of my thoughts) x journal entry (by way of archived WhatsApp chats). But mostly: This one is addressed to me.
Am I getting by?
Am I happy?
Am I still the girl I used to be?
Barely.
Compliments of the new year and welcome back! Today I thought we’d try something a little different. I present: Selected transcriptions of my 2023 (pen and paper) journal. Whilst preparing for an (initimidatingly) overdue journaling session tonight, I was struck by the few gorgeous truths I wrote on the rare occasions that I actually put pen to paper in 2023, (quite frankly I’m a little freaked out that I wrote some of these in the first place to be honest).
Continue reading “This I know to be true”
Collaborative Eavesdropping 